He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
