You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
did you just send me my own nude
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
