Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my poor anus
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
