I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
