someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
