I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
