I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
