i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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