I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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