I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
