Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
