I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
