I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
