You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
