you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
