Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
