He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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