Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the day after is always just damage control
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
