okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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