I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
