I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
