Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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