Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
