oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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