just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
