She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
