I haven't been this sober since birth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
