Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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