Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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