i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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