Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
two words...techno handjob
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have fence marks all over my body
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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