Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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