It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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