i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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