Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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