Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I smell stomach acid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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