There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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