Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
