One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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