I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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