I got chris browned last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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