Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
