I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
