There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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