Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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