i think i have two assholes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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