He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
