Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
