Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
