Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
