Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
