your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
