I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
