Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
