Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
